A Mother’s Transition Story: Part 2: The Transition

Wednesday, Ferndale Patch published the first part of a three-part series on a mother's experience with her transitioning daughter. Part One: The Beginning explored the moment when the daughter told the mother she was a boy. In Part Two: The Transition, the mother discusses the feelings and emotions of watching her daughter turn into her son.

My son began his gender transition from female to male with a sense of urgency, which surprised me. I had expected a period of “questioning” before he acted on these revelations, and I was unprepared when he immediately decided upon a new name, a boy’s name: Kyle.

Next, he asked me to buy him some boxer shorts. In order to feel and appear more masculine, he began binding his chest with ace bandages. Later, he bought compression shirts for this purpose.

During that first year, I focused on supporting Kyle emotionally. I learned that nearly half of young transgender people have seriously thought about taking their lives, and one-quarter report having made a suicide attempt. Not only are they more likely to attempt suicide, they are also at greater risk of homelessness and substance abuse. They more likely to feel unsafe at school and are more vulnerable to adult exploitation.

Right away, my husband and I arranged for Kyle to start a course of therapy. The goal of the therapy was not to "repair" or "correct" Kyle's gender identity but to help him explore his sense of self in a safe place. To that end, Kyle saw a licensed psychologist at least once a week for the next two years. We also consulted regularly with both pastors from our Lutheran church, with his school counselor, his pediatrician and with a gender specialist.

In the midst of all the therapy and consultations, Kyle was living full time as a boy. This part of gender transition is known as “social.” Kyle's teachers were all willing to use his new name and pronouns, which helped immensely with his school adjustment. Other students seemed mostly accepting of Kyle’s transition.

Thankfully, he was spared most of the bullying that is often inflicted on young people who do not comply with expected gender norms.

Next came the legal aspects of Kyle's gender transition. When Kyle was 17, his father and I allowed him to obtain a court order to legally change his first name. As a result, his high school diploma, when received the following June, would reflect his chosen name. This would enable Kyle to enter adulthood with his legal and social identity in alignment, thus avoiding confusion with regard to his legal, educational and employment status.

For me, allowing this was an easy decision. The logic and expediency of attaining consistency regarding his legal and social identities made perfect sense to me.

Allowing medical intervention was not as easy, however, and I struggled mightily with that decision. Initially, I was going to require Kyle to wait until he turned 18 to begin taking hormones. Ultimately, I gave my permission for him to start taking them a month before he began his senior year, six months shy of his 18th birthday.

I hoped that starting the hormones during the summer would allow us the gift of time to address any problems or issues that might arise before Kyle returned to school. Fortunately, no such issues arose.

Soon after he started taking hormone injections, Kyle’s appearance started to change. He became more muscular-looking, and I saw the beginnings of facial hair. His voice deepened. He was no longer an androgynous teenager. He was starting to look like a young man.

I kept my thoughts to myself, but it was difficult to watch this metamorphosis.

Read Part 1: The Beginning .

Read Part 3: Looking Back .

For a list of resources for the GLBT community, go .

Editor's note: The author and her son are using pseudonyms for this article. This is not due to any sense of shame on their parts. It is done to protect Kyle, who does not want his employment jeopardized. Michigan law does not protect transgender employees.