A Mother’s Transition Story: Part 1: The Beginning

My son is transgender. He was born 21 years ago in a female body. He was raised as a girl. He used to be my only daughter.

I remember the first time he told me. He was 15 years old. It was late, and the rest of the family was in bed. The two of us were sitting up on the living room couch. Kyle was struggling with his homework, and I could see that he was becoming upset. What I didn’t know yet was that he was wresting with something much larger.

He began to cry and said he needed to talk. The two of us have always been close, and I was pleased that he still came to me with his problems and concerns, even into his teenage years. Through his tears, he told me.

“I think I am a boy," he said. "I think I am transgender.” As our conversation ensued, he expressed his anguish. It’s hard to remember everything he said, but some words I won’t forget. Things like: “I am a freak." And, “I want to kill myself.”

I still remember every detail of the way his face looked. It was blotchy and shiny and red. It was swollen from the tears. I had never seen him in such a state of despair, and I was scared. I embraced my child and held him close. We talked deep into the night. Mostly I just listened to his fears and reassured him that he would not be left alone to struggle with his feelings. His family would not abandon him.

Alarmed by his remark about feeling suicidal, I made him promise not to hurt or kill himself. Then I made a promise of my own: “You are not alone. Everything will work out. I will always stand by you.”

In the half decade since that night, I have kept my word to him.

After that long and painful conversation, we both were physically and mentally exhausted. The next day, Kyle slept in, almost until noon. At lunchtime, I opened his bedroom door to check on him. He was lying awake, reading quietly, in his bunk bed. He seemed calmer and more at peace. I approached him and embraced him with a gentle hug.

“I will always be here for you," I said. "No matter what, I am your mother and you are my daughter, and that is all that matters."

“No, Mom,” he replied. “I am your son.”

I did not let on at the time, but his choice of the word “son” was a shock.

In those days, I knew nothing about what it meant to be transgender, so I set out to try to educate myself. I have come to believe that to be transgender is to have a gender identity that differs from one’s physical characteristics or birth sex.

Gender identity refers to one’s internal sense of being male or female. I have also seen transgender, or "trans,” defined as any person whose identity, expression or behavior falls outside of gender "norms." A broad range of identities can fall within the "trans" label.

Transgender people often embark upon a process known as transition. The transition process generally includes a variety of social, legal and medical procedures. In my opinion, gender transition is a long-term process. Some would say it’s a lifelong process and I am inclined to agree with that.

Read Part 2: The Transition .

Read Part 3: Looking Back .

For a list of resources for the GLBT community, go .

Editor's note: The author and her son are using pseudonyms for this article. This is not due to any sense of shame on their parts. It is done to protect Kyle, who does not want his employment jeopardized. Michigan law does not protect transgender employees.